It’s just how things are done: Subject matter controversial
By being surrounded by people who care, I have learned to relax and what family really means. Thank you.
It’s always interesting to hear someone state that was just the way it was back then and in most situations that was the status quo for doing certain things. But let’s discuss the role of a parent as a positive force in raising children to be productive members of society or at least contribute in a positive manner. I hope we all can agree that it is not just our nation that deals with the issues of trying to raise children to contribute to their local communities. There are always exceptions (on both sides of the coin), however.
We cannot just malign all parents because we have wonderful and fascinating examples of positive role models for parenting all around the world and they all deserve a round of applause. My in-laws, my deceased grandparents, and a few of my friends are just a few examples right off the top off my head. The list goes on…. Then we have the other side of the coin which is something that was just an accepted norm to something of the illogical. What I am gathering from these great loving parents is that those who were less than stellar parents had better things to do or, perhaps, were unwilling to be a parent to a child. Or, even resentful of the child? Who knows? Now we can get into some parent’s child rearing methods and children’s psycho-social development, using some of my favorite psychologists and sociologists from undergrad psychology and sociology courses…. I recommend the following, if you have never read any work from these individuals: Diana Baumrind, John Watson, Bronfenbrenner & Morris, Schermerhorn & Cummings, Kail & Cavanaugh, Freud, Erikson, Vygotsky, Nosko, Hoare, Spangler, and my wife’s favorite, Bandura. Their research covers parenting and learning styles / theories, etc.
So, back to questionable parenting styles…The justification of the actions of these parents and their perspective on positive modeling / parenting skills are often somewhat perplexing. More importantly, one’s tax bracket has nothing to do with a parent exerting a positive influence in a child’s life. There are some intelligent and talented individuals throughout history who have come from the most horrific environments.
So, hypothetically, you as the parent have a preteen to young teenager who was acting out or rebelling and you the parent just decided to disappear, treat and/or throw them out like trash. The explanation, “that’s just how it was done back then” doesn’t work for me personally in these matters.
What does that say about you as a parent? Throw in a child with a disability and that makes it even worse. What is the ultimate twist is when that child grows up, becomes more or less financially stable and educated, and the parents still continue to disregard that child’s success. This example is one with which I most connect. That young teenager dismissed by her or his parents did not die or succumb to a life of hard crime, but, in spite of struggle as an adult, thrives with purpose and the love of family. The biological (blood) parents tossed away their privileges as a parent – using arguments of tough love. The child may, however, contend otherwise.
If you are a parent, then be a parent before it is too late and the child that you tell (or told) to put on a good show of the “happy family” matures and recognizes the hard reality of her or his childhood.
See you in the next post!