The debate:

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This one will be a reader, folks….

So, my wife and I were talking about what the definition of friend means, more or less what she called a fairweather friend. We each had our own interpretations due to different upbringings, but we still came to the same conclusion. Of course this occurred after my wife and I debated a little bit. Seriously, I mean what fun is it to a have a beautiful partner, if you cannot debate or even talk about the smallest of things, no matter how mundane. My wife is my friend, my love, and at the same time she drives me up the wall to no end.

So before we even continue I went ahead and did a brief definition search, so we can look at this definition of friend or fairweather friend from different standpoints of exactly what friendship or a fairweather friend entails. So, from an urban point of view or what one would describe as an urban definition from the Urban Dictionary, a fairweather friend is

  • A friend who is only a friend when circumstances are pleasant or profitable. At the first sign of trouble, these capricious, disloyal friends will drop their relationship with you.
  • A friend who is only around when they need you.
  • A friend who is only nice to you when it’s convenient. Someone who’s wishy-washy. Someone who is a “backstabber.” Someone who abandons you in certain situations.

I imagine we all know of individuals such as these defined here.

Here is one from the OED:

  • A person who stops being a friend in times of difficulty.

Here is one from The Cambridge Dictionary:

  • Someone who can be depended on only when everything is going well- someone who is a good friend when it is easy to be one and who stops being one when you are having problems

So, each of these definitions were pretty much aligned with one another with minor variations. I wanted to research further, so I looked the philosophy of friendship from Stanford and here is the short, sweet, and simple version, because there are hundreds of thousands of articles pertaining to this meaning for this single word (Friendship.)  Stanford’s interpretation is that friendship is a uniquely personal bond for the comfort of the other that encompasses some measure of benevolence. Now personally this is a pretty good summary of what I tried to sum up of what I have read of what friendship is or is not meant to be and put it into words.

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So, let’s break that down a smidge; first friendship is unquestionably very important to our duration on this planet as human beings, I am sure most of us would agree on this, because our friends have a cause to be in our existences and more importantly because our friends recognize how to help influence who we are as a person. I am fortunate enough to have a couple of them.

For me, friendship comes down to respect! Will you do for me as I would for you? I will listen to all of your stories and lies, I will listen to you crying, going off on rants, and/or cantankerous attitude. I will as well help you in any way I am capable of helping, may it be financially in which I would give you the last $20 out of my pocket or any type of support I am able to provide. I will break my back working to pick up the slack at work with broken bones, being sick, or on the verge of collapsing and even then I would still get back up to keep helping. I will give you my life “God forbid if it ever came to that!” A “my life for yours” concept… (Bob Marley put it nicely: Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.) Just don’t and I mean do not disrespect my intelligence or my understandings of certain facets of life such as my heart. This single act will most definitely and without a doubt cause me to cut you loose.

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You see, to me the heart knows best and this will generally guide one through all situations regarding life. You can go ahead and throw in religion, politics, experiences, education, business, social media standing or whatever tax bracket you are in, but it will always come down to one’s heart and how you feel. This is my opinion and you are more than welcome to agree or disagree. Why? Because you know your own heart and you are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror. So, what’s my definition of friendship?

I will tell you how to lose it. Denigrate me or my wife (family) or tell me I’m stupid or insult my intelligence and you most definitely have lost my trust! Why trust? Simple! That’s friendship….Trust is KEY to my heart, because it takes more time to gain trust than it does to lose it.

Here are some mottos I wanted to throw in and there will be those who already know these:  For myself to all of those fighting, have fought, or about to fight, I so humbly wish I could be checking your 6.  In my heart I am with you and thank you!

  • OTATSIIHTAISSIISTSTKAKIO PIKSI  MAKAMOM  TA  PSSWIA
  • DE OPPRESSO  LIBER
  • IN GOD WE TRUST: ALL OTHERS WE MONITOR
  • GUSTASUSSIMILIS PULLUS
  • MINUTES AND HOURS-NOT DAYS AND WEEKS
  • NON POTESTIS  LATERE

Marines: Honor-Courage-Commitment

Navy: Non Sibi Sed Patriae! -Potus Mori Quam Foedar  -Pax Per Saentiam – I’ve not yet to begun to fight!

Army: This we’ll defend

Airforce: 1. Integrity first   2. Service before self   3. Excellence in all we do

Coast Guard: Semper Poratus— (Always Ready)

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So, trust is paramount to friendship; once said trust is gone, the bonds of friendship are not easily mended.  What replaces that broken trust needs a red hot knife to cauterize the wound that leaves a deep scar. That may be harsh, but I have had enough cuts to my heart and ego I could be Freddy Krueger’s nightmare.

I am finally starting to stand up and use my voice rather than brawn (the pen this time is mightier than the sword) and I will be dammed if I will have someone tell me I’m useless, uneducated, or I just don’t understand something because of age, the lack of paper credentials, a learning disability, or, my favorite, I am too intense. I have a voice and I am going to use it just like anyone else.

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Being a friend involves respect; those who are my friends understand the necessity of respecting my heart as well as my quirks; I am who I am and I cannot change that!  So, who is my friend and who is a fairweather friend? You decide….This constitutes family (blood) as well. You cannot be or call yourselves family if you are not being family (meaning:  individuals who are present and supportive.) So, friendship is a funny concept, isn’t it? As is the heart?

My words—–My heart—–My stand…..

So, if you made it to the end of this post, how would you define friendship?

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Author: The Ordinary Compass

Hello and welcome to this collection of anecdotes from my years of ordinary moments and timeless memories. I try to share a positive message, as well as lessons learned which have helped me appreciate life. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple (positive) gesture. I write in the hope that I can make a difference and you as the reader will also see the possibilities that surround you, and as well that the little things do make a big difference. I’m originally from New Jersey, have traveled and lived on both the east and west coasts, and have happily been a Virginia resident for more than ten years. I have been married for over ten years; my wife is my anchor and has kept my compass correct. I have always been an individual who likes the outdoors. I like taking my time to think about the outcomes of situations. I enjoy philosophy and love science. I am no stranger to high adrenaline activities and love everything that revolves around water. Thank you for stopping by and feel free to comment, re-blog (with credit), or just read along! –Robert Konz. The Ordinary Compass: Original photographs and writings are the copyright and property of Robert Konz, and may not be used without permission.

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